Ha, this is hard. Happiness is usually an everyday thing. Such as feeling happiness when you see your favorite ice cream in the freezer or seeing your favorite relative after a long time. That’s the easy stuff. Being happy and content with your life is the hard part. I cant give much reliable advice because I have to be honest, this definitely isn’t something I have, but I just wanted to kinda get my thoughts out there.
Truthfully, I don’t know if I’ll ever reach satisfaction with my life. I just want to be more, be doing more. I want to travel the world, and be a better person. I wanna help others and make a difference in a life that isn’t mine. I want to do things that actually matter to other people and not just myself. I want be spontaneous and crazy. Fill my life with adventure to cure my craving for it all. So, yeah I think eventually I could accomplish all these things, if I put my mind to it, but will I ever stop coming up with more? No, I guess it’s not a bad thing to have aspirations for your life, but until they actually happen you feel like your stuck in a rut. You think that once you reach a certain age or a certain place you can fix it all but will it? How will I ever stop wanting more and more from my life. It seems to be a terrible feeling to feel as if you aren’t using your life to it’s fullest potential. Shouldn’t that be all we strive for? But, as always their will be obstacles. Finances, parents, and rules. So, until I can over come those obstacles I still find happiness in the small things.
It’s difficult being a sixteen year old who has yet to find happiness in another person romantically as well. that’s kind of an oddity in high school. Haha, don’t worry I like boys, but I still feel as if I’m too young for all this. Maybe it’s just I can’t handle commitment yet. Or, I just haven’t found the right person. That’s what people always tell me. I don’t know, I just can’t seem to fathom being tied another person while I’m just trying to live my fullest life and figure myself out honestly. I want to be able to act freely without having to worry about someone else’s thoughts. It kind of does seem a bit self centered when I put it into words but I guess that’s why I’m just not ready. I’ve yet to find anyone who was special enough to be worth all that. I’ve always been afraid of caging myself to early.
It scares me actually because at the moment I can’t ever see myself being ready to settle down with one person and starting a life together, maybe even a family. Kids?! I can barely even handle myself. That’s terrifying. I know there’s expectations from me to be certain things. A mom. A wife. Secretly I’ve always seen myself as that girl who never really calms down. I don’t like being in one place too long and i want to go everywhere. Once I start I don’t know if I’ll ever stop or just be a jet setter all my life.
I want to travel. I want to explore and I want to live. Right now all I really know is I have a craving for life that has yet to be tamed.
photo via happyologist.co.uk