For some reason I’ve come across one of those nights where I don’t really feel tired and my mind has yet to stop racing. Even though its past one in the morning I can’t stop being that weirdo that sits here and contemplates life while everyone else is fast asleep. I question myself on my differences from others and also why some actions are taking place in my life right now. Lately, these past couple months have been full of changes and new things for me. Just a few days ago I happily finished up my sophomore year. Also, I got a car, went through a brief relationship and have made and lost some friends. As you can see life has been pretty busy and eventful but it never really seems to satisfy me. Actually, I think that’s what caused that anonymous past relationship to come to a halt and for me to end it so quickly. I can never fully satisfy myself with anything and get bored quickly. All my life  I’ve craved freedom and adventure and I guess that’s something I couldn’t get from it. I fear to be tied down and miss out on life, I guess. Yeah I know, it probably sounds goofy or stupid. Honestly, I don’t understand it myself. It’s different from a lot of other girls my age who love to have boyfriends and go on those cute little dates and spend time together. Not that I didn’t enjoy that aspect but I just couldn’t picture myself belonging to one person. I do find happiness in people but I guess I can’t commit myself to someone in fear of loosing my options and groups. I promise it isn’t as shallow as it sounds. I mean, it does feel weird sometimes being that one always single friend but I’ve kinda gotten used to it. I’ve found I enjoy crazy nights with my friends over a ” cute date” anyway. I often push people away who are interested in more than friends or a fling. Guy friends and playful flirting is fun but usually anything with strings is where I draw my lines. I can handle romance. That isn’t the problem really. There’s just something about relationships that I’m not ready for yet. Maybe I just haven’t found that person yet?  I don’t exactly know what the problem is, or even if there is a problem at all. To some people it’s seen as odd or even dark. They think I don’t believe in love or something.That really isn’t the case. I believe in love, just not for me. Not right now.

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